


I am Broken

by SansyFresh



Series: Fresh's Babble Collection [32]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Papyrus OT4 - Freeform, Self Harm, Soul stuff, Suicidal Thoughts, Vent Writing, Violence, suicidal idealization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:12:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SansyFresh/pseuds/SansyFresh
Summary: This is pretty much just me vent writing. And comforting myself through Fell lolThis is based off the really honestly awesome art by CheapBourbon of ExpensiveSpicyHoneyDog, the Papyrus ot4. So this is Swapfell (the purple one) and Fellswap (Slim). Normally I just call all of it Swapfell and call it good, but we kinda need the distinction here.Fell: Underfell PapyrusRus: Underswap PapyrusSlim: Fellswap (or Swapfell) PapyrusCash: Purple Swapfell PapyrusEnjoy??





	I am Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much just me vent writing. And comforting myself through Fell lol
> 
> This is based off the really honestly awesome art by CheapBourbon of ExpensiveSpicyHoneyDog, the Papyrus ot4. So this is Swapfell (the purple one) and Fellswap (Slim). Normally I just call all of it Swapfell and call it good, but we kinda need the distinction here.
> 
> Fell: Underfell Papyrus  
> Rus: Underswap Papyrus  
> Slim: Fellswap (or Swapfell) Papyrus  
> Cash: Purple Swapfell Papyrus
> 
> Enjoy??

He was weak. Weak, worthless, idiotic, and most of all a piece of shit that shouldn’t even still be alive in this god forsaken shit hole. He’d done things he knew were wrong, he’d done things he didn’t want to do, he’d had thoughts he didn’t want to have, and all of it culminated in these sessions of guilt filled anxiety that wanted to coalesce into a full on attack. He couldn’t let it. If he succumbed to his weak mind, it would do nothing but make him a worthless mess for the rest of the day. 

 

Fell trudged through the waterlogged marshes of Waterfall, using the glowing stones and water as light to see, even though the dark really didn’t bother him. His hands clenched as he strode past bushes and clusters of silent echo flowers, his thoughts swirling in his head as every new thought of self-loathing pierced his soul. It was all true, he knew that for a fact. He  _ was  _ weak. He  _ was  _ worthless, and an idiot, and all the other painful things he told himself. He was gutter trash, a piece of garbage that shouldn’t-

 

A shrill beep rang out, alerting him to the fact that he’d been standing in the same place for several minutes, his magic flowing from his socket like smoke. He felt unstable, disconnected from reality, and he was not in a safe place for it to happen. His phone beeped once again, letting him know that whoever had texted the first time had texted again, and likely wanted an answer. He fished his phone from his pocket with shaky hands, the phone finally tumbling out of his grip as the tremors increased. Fell knelt down to pick it up, only to lose his balance and tumble to his knees. Anger, both at himself and the situation, fueled him as he forced his hands to still long enough to pick up the damn phone and get back to his feet. 

 

Fell blinked rapidly as a heat came behind his sockets, the first signs that he was breaking down. He had to get home, had to get somewhere safe. He couldn’t be out here when he lost it, to do so would be certain death. But he couldn’t move. His legs wouldn’t listen to him even as he screamed mentally for them to move, to get him to safety.

 

_ Why should he go home? Wouldn’t it be better if some random monster picked him off? He would deserve it, the weak worm that he was. _

 

Fell shook his head, willing the thoughts away even as his breathing picked up, his chest heaving as he took in too much air in too little an amount of time. He was starting to really, really lose it, and anyone could come and dust him in his moment of vulnerability. 

 

_ That would be so much easier than continuing on this charade of bravery. Of actually mattering to anyone. Death would be so much simpler, so much easier. _

 

Fell blinked through the tears, hands clutching at his chest even as his soul felt like it was ripping apart. Was he dying? Was he going to dust before he even got the chance to say goodbye?

 

_ They never cared about you. You are a burden, useless, dirt under their feet. They’d be happy to see you gone. _

 

His vision was blacking out around the edges, his breaths almost seemingly imperceptible from each other. Maybe this was better. Maybe...they really didn’t care as much as they pretended that they did. Maybe he was just a burden.

 

Fell blacked out, the last thing he could remember being the sudden, familiar surge of magic that announced the arrival of one of three skeletons that he loved. He hoped they would be happier, now.

 

~.~

 

Rus watched with panic flowing through his soul as Fell’s eyelights all but vanished, his form suddenly going limp but somehow staying upright. He’d arrived just in time to see Fell clawing at his own arms, the deep red streaks of marrow running down his claws and dripping onto the wet earth below. Now Fell was simply standing there, gone to the world, his sockets empty of life. Stretch had tried calling, but when Fell hadn’t answered, even after two texts, he’d known something was wrong. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Rus checked Fell’s stats, cursing to himself as it became apparent that his lover’s LV had gone up by two. And in such a short amount of time. Fell gaining LV was never something to celebrate, and the dark skeleton always had to be under watch when it happened lest he try and hurt himself. Apparently the stubborn edgelord had not only gained two in a matter of days, but he’d also kept it from them. 

 

Seeing as how Fell was still simply standing there, Rus took a moment to shoot a text to the one monster he knew would be able to get there in a hurry, and would be able to help in case things got violent. As much as Slim would want to help, it was rare that the asshole had his phone on. Rus didn’t have time to wait. Fell needed help now.

 

Deciding that trying to...wake Fell up, so to speak, would probably be the best course of action, Rus took a tentative step forwards, hands extended in a peaceful gesture. “Hey Fell? It’s Rus, I’m here, you’re safe. Everything’s okay.”

 

It was like talking to a corpse. Fell didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t make any indication that he’d heard anything Rus’d said. Taking it as more of a positive response than a negative one (at least Fell hadn’t lashed out yet), Rus took another step forward. This time he got a response, a low growl rumbling from deep within Fell’s chest as his skull turned ever so slightly in Rus’ direction. Rus stopped mid step, his hands raising ever so slowly in submission. 

 

“I’m not here to hurt you. It’s me, Papyrus. You’re safe.”

 

The growl only changed in pitch, growing deeper, more threatening. Rus winced, keeping his eyelights trained on the other’s movement, watching for any indication that he was going to attack. 

 

Just as there was a flicker of movement, however, Rus found himself pulled backwards, a long row of jagged bones thrusting up from the ground right where his feet had been. He was set back down a few feet away, a barricade popping up and shattering another wave of attacks from Fell. Rus glance back, finding Cash standing firm, magic flowing from behind the patch of his blind eye. 

 

“He’s up two LV. Was hurting himself when I got here.” Rus made his explanation short, the other nodding as he spoke and protecting them from the violent magic their lover was throwing around without thought.

 

“I’ll take care of him. You go get Slim and get the house ready. We’ll be there in ten.” Cash sounded calm, collected, even as Fell was pouring every murderous intent in his body into the bones he threw at them. Rus looked between them for a moment, but finally nodded his head and took a shortcut back to the machine. 

 

Cash waited to make sure Rus had actually left before turning his full attention on Fell. The other was using every bit of his power in his attacks, every single one aimed to maim, to kill, to dust anyone and everyone that might try to hurt him. He was in rabid mode, pure and simple. It was their job as the ones who cared about him most to break him out of it. 

 

“Hey, precious. I know you aren’t fully there right now, but you need to listen to me, okay? Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to come over there, and you’re going to calm the fuck down.” 

 

Fell snarled as Cash began walking towards him at a sedate pace, not fast, but not slow. The taller’s hand rose, Fell’s soul turning blue and rooting him in place. Panic at not being able to move made the attacks fly faster, harder, but Cash kept walking forwards, bones manifesting just long enough to block an attack before it was dissipated. Soon he was within reach, and Fell took advantage of that fact, lashing out with his claws as soon as Cash was close enough. Instead of hitting his mark, however, both of his wrists were gripped by Cash’s hand, which pulled harshly until Fell was forced forward and into his arms. 

 

The smaller thrashed and bit and clawed, desperate to get away, but Cash simply held him, one hand keeping Fell’s wrists together and out of the way and the other wrapped firmly around his spine. He waited, watching their environment for any signs that a monster was looking to take advantage of the situation, but no one ever came. The magic build up in the area must have warded any potential attackers off.

 

Soon Fell began to run out of energy, what little he had left after his panic attack used up by his relentless attacks and fighting against Cash. The taller moved his hand from Fell’s spine to the collar around his neck, hidden by his scarf. The magic imbued in it flared as Cash fed intent into it, Fell groaning as Cash began to put him to sleep. The intent was aided by magic from Cash’s soul, nothing but peace and love flowing between them. Fell seemed to try and fight to stay awake, jerking every now and then, but soon he went limp, sockets closing as he finally stopped fighting.

  
Cash smiled, lifting the sleeping skeleton into his arms before taking a shortcut back to the machine. Hopefully his boys had gotten everything nice and comfortable. Fell would be needing the rest. Because as soon as he was awake and somewhat better, they were going to have a  _ talk _ .


End file.
